Fun and Games
by archphoenix
Summary: FemShep/Miranda, past FemShep/Liara, past Miranda/Jacob. Heavily based on the plot from E.R's 'Secrets and Lies' episode. Shepard, Miranda, Liara, Thane and Jacob are forced to attend a lecture where the instructor doesn't show and so spend the time confronting their many issues with each other.
1. Cutting The Tension

Shepard rushed onto the tower building and desperately pressed the elevator to get her to the twenty second floor. Trust her to be late, but then again, if it meant that she'd have to spend less time at this bloody lecture than she wasn't complaining.

Shepard, Miranda, Thane and Jacob had all been in serious trouble with the Illusive Man for messing about with a bag of the former Shadow Broker's toys which they had found...and they weren't the kind of toys which come as racing cars. TIM had been fuming and asserted that they had compromised the integrity of Cerberus and so now they were being sent on a sexual harassment course.

Shepard practically leapt out of the elevator went in stopped and rushed down the hall, checking the numbers on the doors as she went but finally, at the end of the corridor she found her destination.

"I thought I was late." Shepard said, as the group was already present but without a lecturer.

"You are." Miranda said coolly.

Shepard rolled her eyes at this less than enthusiastic greeting and shut the door behind her. Miranda was sitting near the front of the room, looking haughty and bored. Thane was at the far end of the room, staring out of the window and Jacob was sat at a desk in the far corner. Liara was sat just a few seats along from Miranda and Shepard was most taken aback to see her.

"What are you doing here?" Shepard asked her, laughing.

"It sounded like an interesting lecture." Liara replied.

"You're joking?" Miranda scoffed.

"It seemed a little unfair that you all were being punished and I was not." Liara expanded simply.

"Kind of you to volunteer." Jacob said warmly while Miranda merely smiled sarcastically.

Liara and Miranda had not gotten along as they made their way to the Shadow Broker's base. Liara and Shepard had once had a relationship back when they were chasing Saren but Shepard had been gone for two years and had only recently seen Liara again. She had no idea where she stood with her old flame or what she wanted.

"What are we even supposed to be doing?" Shepard asked, taking off her jacket and making her way up the stairs to grab a table near the back.

"Role playing, I believe." Thane finally spoke.

"Role playing?" Shepard repeated teasingly.

"Don't get your hopes up." Miranda quelled her.

"Anyone know when this guy is even supposed to show?" Shepard asked but Jacob merely shrugged.

"How many more annoying questions are you going to ask?" Miranda asked, finally bothering to turn her head to look at Shepard behind.

"As many as I like." Shepard smirked; Miranda was always infuriated at her for something.

"Asking pointless questions over and over just makes the waiting feel longer." Miranda replied and it was Shepard's turn to roll her eyes.

"I can't believe The Illusive Man took it so seriously." Jacob said, leaning back in his chair.

"He probably wouldn't have if somebody hadn't anonymously sent him an image of the bag of toys in question." Miranda snapped, throwing Shepard a glowing look.

"What?" Shepard asked, indignant. "I didn't do it."

"Yeah, right." Miranda replied.

"I didn't!" Shepard replied hotly.

"It was your idea to look in the bag in the first place. I didn't even want to." Miranda responded sharply.

"You're a grown up, Miranda. You make your own choices so stick by them." Shepard responded drily.

"I'm well aware of that, thank you." Miranda responded icily.

"We're here now and as entertaining as your bickering is, perhaps we could discuss something else?" Liara requested.

"Yeah...like Jacob sending the picture of the dildo..." Shepard added slyly but Jacob shook his head.

"I swear it wasn't me, Shepard." Jacob laughed.

"You're far too mature for such childishness," Miranda smiled at him and for some strange reason Shepard was always irked at the warmth between those two.

"No one is quite as dedicated to upstanding professionalism as you though." Jacob joked.

"How long are we going to wait?" Shepard cut across, aggravated.

"As long as we have to. The only alternative is being forced to return here at a later date." Thane responded.

"Finally you have an opinion." Shepard muttered as Shepard stood up and threw her jacket back on. "The Illusive Man isn't going to ground us against the collector's if the guy doesn't show up."

"Thane's right, Shepard." Liara replied softly. "You will only have to return."

Shepard shared a grimace with Miranda at the fact they were stuck here and Shepard sank back into her chair, defeated and threw her jacket onto the next table. This was going to be an incredibly long afternoon with people who all had very complex relationships with one another.


	2. Chemistry

Twenty very boredom filled minutes had passed. Shepard was browsing the extranet on her omnitool but flicked it off again when there was nothing of interest, just adverts for the new Blasto film.

"Are you enjoying working with Shepard?" Liara asked Miranda who was a few tables across from her and Shepard's head snapped up.

"She's completely impossible." Miranda responded drily and Shepard rolled her eyes.

"Yes, well, be grateful that she never sent your through a mass relay in a mako." Liara joked.

"There's still time..." Shepard muttered.

"Living on a ship has taken some getting used to." Miranda conceded.

"Yes, and I'm sure Joker has been a great help in making you feel comfortable." Liara replied knowingly.

"He's too scared of me to say anything." Miranda smirked.

"Good tactic." Liara praised. "He used to bug me about my tentacles and what products I used on them until I put him in a singularity. He's been remarkably pleasant ever since."

They both laughed and Shepard let out a bored and loud sigh of exasperation. Liara turned round with eyes narrowed for the briefest moment before turning back to Miranda.

"How is Garrus settling in?" Liara asked.

"He keeps hiding from Kelly saying that he's doing-"

"calibrations." Liara chimed in and they both laughed again.

"Here's me thinking that you two were focussed when we worked together and were above such things as gossip." Shepard sighed.

Liara turned to her again.

"What is your problem today?" Liara asked disdainfully.

"Nothing." Shepard shrugged but Liara continued to stare.

"Still?" She asked, astonished.

"Nope." Shepard said, laughing sarcastically.

"You really need to grow up, Shepard." Liara snapped, turning back around.

Miranda who had been listening intently decided to contribute.

"What's the problem?" She asked curiously.

"Nothing." Shepard snapped.

"I stayed with Feron the other night and Shepard thinks we slept together." Liara explained to Miranda as Shepard seethed: she did not want Miranda to be hearing this. "He has an apartment on the Citadel. I stayed on the sofa."

"Yeah, right." Shepard smirked.

"We're friends which is more than we will be if you keep this up." Liara warned.

Shepard got up, agitated and went to sit on the right of Liara while Miranda stayed across at them both from T'soni's left.

"You two are really close..."

"He didn't want to be alone after everything he'd been through." Liara explained, clearly running out of patience.

"I'm sure you were a real comfort." Shepard replied sarcastically.

"There is nothing going on!" Liara snapped finally.

"You desperately hunted for him for two years, you've just gotten him back and you're telling me nothing happened?" Shepard questioned.

"Miranda stayed in my quarters the other night and nothing happened." Jacob interjected casually, looking up from his desk.

Shepard merely stared at Liara as though she were suspended in time and she felt quite deflated.

"You're probably more upset at that than me staying with Feron." Liara replied fairly.

Miranda and Shepard both asked "what?" at the same time, although Shepard's was far more defensive.

"Shepard's stuck on you." Liara said to Miranda but Shepard got up and climbed up quickly to her original seat.

Miranda's eyes followed her but Shepard didn't dare look into them.

Shepard went back onto her omnitool and kept browsing the extranet even after she knew Miranda had turned back around in her seat. She didn't even want to begin to know what Miranda thought about her now. She cursed Liara for saying anything.

"How is Feron?" Thane asked after a moment of quiet.

"He's good." Liara replied. "It's taking him time to get used to being free again."

"I can imagine." Thane responded. "He'll be able to recall everything they ever did to him in perfect detail. His future depends on his ability to keep those memories at bay."

There was an uncomfortable silence while they contemplated just what that meant for Feron which was broken by the receptionist from downstairs who entered.

"I'm sorry that you're all still waiting. We've just heard from the professor and he's running late. His shuttle has broken down in the bad weather but he's trying to get here as soon as possible and wants to thank you for waiting." She said this kindly and then shut the door behind her leaving them trapped together once more.


	3. Getting To Know One Another

Jacob had taken to making paper space ships while a bored and awkward silence hung around them all - just because they worked together it didn't mean they had to get along.

"Hey, look- The Normandy." Jacob said and then threw his space ship across the room only for it to soon tip into a nose dive.

"Let's hope the real one works better." Miranda smirked.

"With Tali on board it's not like anything could go wrong." Jacob said fairly.

"I'll hold off on dismissing all of the engineering crew, if it's all the same." Miranda retorted.

"I'm just saying - she is brilliant. It must help her settle in quickly as she's lived on ships all of her life." Jacob reasoned.

Shepard thought fleetingly of when Tali couldn't sleep because The Normandy was too quiet.

"What about you, Shepard?" Jacob asked and Shepard looked up. "Do you think of The Normandy as home?"

Shepard merely shrugged. It was just where she did her job. She didn't have any particular emotional attachment to it. The first had supposed to symbolise cooperation between humans turians but the galaxy turned their backs on them against the reapers and let it get blown to hell. This new one just meant a new mission to complete.

"What did you parents do?" Jacob asked.

"Colony development." Shepard muttered; she did not like talking about Mindoir or her former life at all and Jacob seemed to accept this.

"What about yours, Jacob?" Thane asked and Jacob stiffened slightly.

"My mother works as a doctor, my father was declared missing after his ship went down." Jacob replied gruffly.

Shepard thought that if he didn't like people asking personal questions then he shouldn't be asking them himself.

"Liara?" Thane asked.

"My mother...well...everyone knows and I have absolutely no idea about my father." Liara replied.

Thane merely nodded.

"Miranda?"

"He's a wealthy business man." She replied simply.

"How wealthy?" Shepard asked with a smile and Miranda gave her a teasing, knowing look.

"Very."

"Really?" Shepard asked playfully, getting up and walking down to sit at the desk next to Miranda. "Millionaire?"

Miranda only smiled.

"Billionaire?" Shepard asked and her eyes widened when Miranda didn't answer. "Trillionaire? Wow...I knew you were loaded but jeez."

"He's loaded." Miranda reminded her gently. "I have nothing to do with him now - thank God."

"How much are you worth?" Shepard asked playfully.

"Personally? Almost nothing." Miranda replied offhand.

"That's not true." Shepard replied, eyes blazing and Miranda blushed slightly as she met Shepard's eyes.

"What about more fun questions like what did you want to be when you were a kid?" Liara asked and Miranda and Shepard jumped out of their revere.

"I wanted to join the Alliance." Jacob answered predictably.

"I wanted to be a nurse." Shepard replied.

"A nurse?" Miranda questioned.

"Yes," Shepard insisted, "why?"

"It's just a big leap from that to this." Miranda replied.

"Yeah, well, a lot happened." Shepard replied and she knew Miranda understood.

"I wanted to aid and serve the Hanar as soon as I was able." Thane answered.

"Don't you think it was a bit much for a kid?" Shepard asked tentatively.

"It was an honour." Thane replied and Jacob scoffed.

"What?" Liara asked.

"He's just a gun for hire." Jacob mocked.

"And what exactly do you think you are, Jacob?" Miranda asked and Jacob gave her a wounded look.

"I believe in Cerberus." Jacob responded.

"That's not entirely true." Miranda pointed out.

"Whose side are you on?" Jacob demanded.

"Now, now, children..." Shepard butted in.

"Perhaps Jacob is threatened by the fact that I operate alone? By the fact I've come to know and accept who I am while he is yet to do so?" Thane questioned lightly.

"Touché." Shepard muttered under her breath and Miranda gave her a smile.

"I know who I am." Jacob declared.

Thane merely glanced at him before turning back to the window.

"We are going to die here." Shepard declared dramatically, her head sinking onto the desk.

"He'll turn up eventually." Liara replied reasonably.

"Yes, but how many of us will still be alive? Will he want to clean up the blood from the floors?" Shepard asked sarcastically, looking up.

"It's your team- perhaps you should work on building them up." Liara suggested but Shepard simply grimaced.

"The team actually does work well when we're not forced to spend hours in one room together doing absolutely nothing." Miranda replied.

"It must be hard for you to accept Shepard's leadership." Jacob said.

Shepard smirked. It was petty if this was how he was going to try and get back at Miranda for not agreeing with him about Thane, although she couldn't help but wonder if something had happened between the two and that's why he was acting so childish.

"Why? She's the best person I've ever worked with." Miranda said finally and Shepard looked at her but she paid no attention.

"Glad I was worth bringing back then- without the control chip." Shepard muttered.

"Miranda was going to put a control chip in you?" Liara asked sharply.

"Yep..." Shepard nodded.

"That's disgusting! I didn't hand you to Cerberus for that!" Liara shouted.

"Relax, she didn't..."

"Shepard, how can you not care?" Liara demanded.

"Because she didn't do it, she wouldn't harm me now and I couldn't care less about what happened in the past when I've got enough going on in the present." Shepard snapped.

She knew it probably should bother her but she found it impossible. Miranda didn't even know her back then and she knew how Miranda deeply regretted ever having that thought even though they rarely spoke of it. Shepard wanted the conversation changed more for Miranda's sake as she knew how uncomfortable she would be feeling.

"What are we doing for lunch, anyway?" Shepard asked but everybody just shrugged.


	4. Blowing Off Steam

Jacob raided a vending machine outside so Shepard was lucky to score a bag of chips for lunch. It hardly satisfied her appetite and she was growing increasingly restless. She had no new thoughts of leaving however, as she had stayed this long that going would just be a waste.

Jacob was clearly restless too and playing with his biotics, and had cleared a space at the front of the room. Shepard got up and joined him.

"Fancy a sparring session?" Jacob asked, smiling.

"Why not?" Shepard asked; she needed to work off some energy even though she knew Jacob was a more skilled biotic.

"Just omnitool for back up but no tricks." Jacob warned.

"Relax, I can play fair." Shepard smiled.

"This is not going to be good." Liara commented from her seat, next to Miranda.

Thane was still looking out of the window, uninterested.

Jacob fired a small biotic wave first which Shepard dodged easily and she slashed forward with her omni tool blade but Jacob parried it away easily with his own. They both jumped back and circled one another.

"They really are a couple of freaks." Miranda remarked and Liara laughed.

"And we've slept with both of them." Liara added.

"I never slept with Jacob..." Miranda denied. "Did Shepard tell you that?"

Shepard dived forwards once more and Jacob jumped but the move was a bluff and she fired a biotic warp with her left hand while her blade retracted and Jacob only just dulled it with a warp of his own.

"She thought you had- Jacob had told her you were close." Liara replied.

"That was just a rumour which Jacob did nothing to discourage." Miranda said, rolling her eyes. "So what's happening with you and Shepard?"

Shepard parried Jacob's blade away and they resumed their duel, for now biotics forgotten.

"Nothing really..." Liara replied, thoughtfully. "It's not the same as it was. There's not that chemistry."

"I think it's either there or it isn't. You can't force it - and I have tried." Miranda replied, watching Jacob.

"I think Shepard's moved on." Liara admitted.

"Has she said something?" Miranda asked.

"No, but I think part of the problem is how she feels about you." Liara said, although with no hint of jealousy.

Miranda studied the sparring two below thoughtfully.

"Why hasn't anything happened between you two?" Liara asked after a moment.

Miranda shrugged.

"She's hard to read..." Miranda admitted, "..and the mission...we know what to expect in the end."

Shepard leapt back with a yelp as a biotic warp from Jacob hit her left foot and left it throbbing.

"This is not going to end well." Miranda observed.

"Guys, maybe you should give it a break now?" Liara called but Shepard ignored her.

"Are you okay?" Jacob asked panting slightly and Shepard nodded theatrically as though his suggestion that he could have hurt her was ridiculous. "If you're hurt then we should take a break."

"I'm fine. If you need a break then just say so." Shepard challenged but Jacob merely smiled at the challenge.

"Come on, guys." Liara requested but they ignored her.

Shepard sent two heavy warps one after another at Jacob and he dodged left and right but Shepard slid forward before he could fire one back and he only just met her omnitool blade with his. They stared at each other for a moment, revelling in the challenge but Jacob had lost focus and Shepard knocked him back with a warp to the chest which went unspotted.

Shepard stepped forward and they duelled again but Jacob's blade just sliced through Shepard's skin and left a shallow but bleeding gash on her face. Shepard fired an angry warp again and Jacob jumped back.

"Okay guys, that's it." Liara called but Shepard saw the blood on her hand when she felt her cheek and a wave of fury washed over her.

She retracted her blade and charged at Jacob.

"Commander!" Thane shouted before getting in the middle of the two.

Liara pulled Shepard back.

"Look at my face!" Shepard shouted while being dragged away.

"You warped me after the break!" Jacob countered.

Liara led Shepard to a chair at one side of the room while Jacob went to the other with Miranda. Shepard watched intently as Miranda pulled up his shirt to examine the mark the warp had left.

"I can get Miranda to come take a look at you, if you like." Liara suggested.

"What?" Shepard asked, snapping out of her musings. "An inch and he would have had my eye."

Shepard didn't get to complain any more as Liara kissed her briefly. Shepard was completely taken aback and forgot the injury to her face and pride.

"What was that for?" Shepard asked.

"Just checking- chemistry test." Liara replied.


	5. Aftermath

Nearly forty minutes had passed and not one of them had bothered speaking to each other. Shepard was at a desk in the back writing notes about supplies they needed. She wasn't really taking anything in as she was still sulky about the outcome of her spa with Jacob. Miranda and Liara were whispering to each other a few desks below Shepard. Jacob was sat at the back row too but a few seats along and Thane still remained at the window.

"You can ask." Miranda dismissed.

"Oh, okay fine." Liara said before looking up at Shepard. "Shepard, what age did you first have sex?"

"What?" Shepard repeated slowly, somewhat shocked that Liara of all people had asked that when she was usually a lot more shy- she clearly had changed.

"Miranda and I were talking about who in the group did it first." Liara replied.

"Who did you say?" Shepard asked them both.

"Jacob." Miranda replied and Shepard felt him smirk slightly.

Shepard shook her head to indicate she did not want to play this game.

"Oh come on," Liara replied and then sighed in defeat, " fine mine was Feron."

Miranda burst out laughing and even Thane smiled.

"Just kidding, Shepard!" Liara added as Shepard pulled a sarcastic smile. "Obviously it was Shepard. Everybody knows this."

"I think you'll probably win for the oldest." Miranda admitted.

"Asari life cycles are very different." Liara replied.

"Mine was when I was seventeen. It was this older Cerberus guy, in his lab- the smell of antiseptic still turns me on." Miranda and Liara laughed again.

"Jacob?" Liara asked after she regained composure.

"Fifteen. Linda Bates, in our stock room- she was another assistance at this shop I worked part time at." He explained.

"The stock room?" Liara asked, eye brows raised.

"Yeah, we were on a break..." Jacob replied.

"Ironic." Miranda muttered. "Okay, come on, Shepard. Just say whether you were older or younger and then we can give out the prize."

"There's a prize?" Shepard asked playfully.

"Don't get your hopes up." Miranda warned, but with mirth.

"Okay, I was twenty three." Shepard replied.

Liara and Miranda exchanged surprised looks.

"What?" Shepard asked. "I didn't want any relationships for a long time. I focussed on my work."

Shepard shifted uncomfortably. It's not that she was ashamed but Mindoir had jaded her and it took her a long time to get close to anybody after that.

"Don't I get to play?" Thane asked, mercifully sparing Shepard the tortuous silence.

"Sure. We didn't think you'd want to." Liara admitted.

"Today has been strange...but nice, besides from the blood lust." Thane admitted. "It's good to be among a team and not just on my own although it's taking some getting used to."

"So do you or Jacob get the prize?" Liara asked.

"Jacob. My first time was with my wife..."

The room tensed once more and Shepard traded an easy look with Miranda. Thane seemed to sense their uncertainty.

"It's a good memory, don't worry." He reassured them. "I haven't talked about it in a long time. We were very much in love when we finally found each other...it's okay, it's okay."

Thane laughed nervously to reassure them but silence resumed once more.

"You must have loved her very much." Liara remarked kindly.

"Of course, she is always with me in my soul..."

Thane's eyes flashed once more and he descended into memory. He described how beautiful his bride had looked and then broke off into the vows he must have uttered for he spoke in the Drell language. It was so haunting and beautiful that the room was swallowed by it. Miranda and Liara stared at him with tears in their eyes, full of admiration. Shepard gaped and turned to look at Jacob who looked equally as stunned and they both recognised their earlier childishness and immaturity in fighting for their attention. Thane finally broke off and laughed nervously again at the looks Miranda and Liara were given him.

The door opening loudly gave them all a start.

"Sorry, I'm late." A bumbling man declared. "It took forever to get my damn shuttle started. I didn't think anyone would still be here so I appreciate you all waiting. Come forward and we'll get started."

They all got up and took up seats in the front row.

"Thanke Krios?"

"Here." Thane replied, sitting at the far end.

"Miranda Lawson?"

"Here." Miranda replied, sitting to Shepard's left.

"Jane Shepard?"

Shepard raised her hand briefly.

"Jacob Taylor?"

Jacob nodded.

"And finally...Liara T'soni?"

"That's me." Liara replied.

"Okay then, let's get started..."


	6. Freedom

The lecture was fairly short at only a couple of hours but perhaps the professor had taken pity on them. By the time they emerged from the huge building it was already dark out.

"Well that was..." Shepard trailed off.

"Hell." Jacob replied. "Let's never do anything to upset The Illusive Man again."

"Agreed." Shepard replied.

"There's our miracle for the day: you two have agreed on something." Miranda teased.

"I'm going to hit the gym." Jacob sighed. "You want me to walk you back to the ship first, Miranda?"

"No, it's okay. I can walk with Thane. You've got to pick up those supplies for Garnder, right?" Miranda asked Shepard.

"Yeah, but you two just go ahead. It's been a long day." Shepard replied and Miranda smiled warmly at her.

"I had fun today, we should grab coffee some time." Liara suggested to Miranda.

"I'd like that." Miranda replied sincerely before walking into the night with Thane.

"Bye guys," Jacob said, turning to give Shepard a salute of respect before running off to the gym.

"She's pretty great. I thought she was so cold when I met her and so focussed on her work. You have no idea how much you've changed her." Liara replied but Shepard was pulling on her gloves and pretending not to notice or care for these words.

"Do you want to get some food? I'm starving." Shepard asked distractedly.

"You really made a fool out of yourself today- if you're worried about something going on with Jacob then I don't think you need to be." Liara said to Shepard.

"How did I make a fool out of myself?" Shepard questioned, frowning.

"You participated in a duel for one thing!" Liara laughed and Shepard had to concede that she must have looked ridiculous.

"Kiss me." Liara demanded and Shepard looked confused but consented although it was brief.

"How was it?" Liara asked.

"It was nice." Shepard replied.

"It wasn't there for me either." Liara reassured her. "Why don't you tell her?"

"Tell who?" Shepard asked and then seeing Liara's expression she knew it was foolish to act as though ignorant. "Tell her what?"

"That you're madly in love with her and can't live a moment without her." Liara explained but Shepard scoffed.

"You're hopeless." Liara laughed when Shepard would only shake her head. "Okay, you should go before I change my mind."

Shepard nodded and walked a few paces away before turning back.

"Hey, guess what? It was EDI who sent that ...let's say 'intel'...to The Illusive Man." Shepard smiled and winked.

Liara gasped at this knowledge and Shepard laughed, walking down to pick up Garnder's supplies but wondering after everything that had happened today where they all really stood.


End file.
